My Goal is God (Written in 2004)
I realized today that when I begin many things, I sometimes do so with a reticent attitude.
Like, for example, square dancing. I was reluctant at first to begin something new, reluctant to “give up my free time” for a new venture. And now, after several weeks of dancing classes, my attitude is improving; now I am seeing it differently. I am enjoying myself, and I am having holy encounters with the other dancers.
Square dancing was not my goal. My goal of God drew me to square dancing.
I also had a reticent attitude to going to some “required” monthly meetings. I did not enjoy what I perceived as the idle conversation of the other attendees. However, the conversation does not have to change (it may even appear worse), but I can choose to change my mind about it. I can choose to rise above it so it ceases to bother me. So I will continue going to these meetings, and learning to be more understanding and gracious, more forgiving and less judgmental.
These “required” meetings were not my goal. My goal of God drew me to these meetings.
I had a reticent attitude to attending classes that I was not teaching. At first I was highly critical – only in my mind, of course. I would not “critique” other teachers verbally in class. It would be dishonoring, I thought. But is it not also dishonoring to critique silently? Are not our thoughts important also? Certainly our thoughts should be as honoring as our words. The course’s definition of honesty is “consistency in thought, word and deed.” So I chose to lay criticism aside and to listen and enjoy myself in classes.
Attending classes that I was not teaching was not my goal. My goal of God drew me to the classes.
At first I had a reticent attitude to attending a class in Perceptual Healing, and it showed. I was sure to let the other attendees know that I see things differently from the way they were presented in class. If someone wanted guests to help when they came over, I did not. If someone thought putting out a gift a guest had given them ONLY when they visited was dishonest, I saw it as considerate. If anyone thought you could not be a Friend to your children, I thought you could (else you would be an enemy).
Later I learned to step back and NOT present my opposing view unless specifically guided to do so by the Holy Spirit, and thus I was able to listen and understand, and even to appreciate opposing views. Doing so often helped to confirm the correctness of my view (by contrast), and sometimes it even helped to change my view, or to see other aspects that I had missed in forming my view.
Attending the Perceptual Healing class was not my goal. My goal of God drew me to the class.
I understand that I need to learn more about patience and acceptance and appreciation, and to learn to listen without judging or rushing to correct everything without His guidance. There is much that I need to learn, and I realize that I will not learn it all by sitting at home. So I am broadening my horizons. I realize, too, that in my zeal to remember God, I overscheduled it a bit, so I cut back -- after I learned the lesson that each had to teach.
We do not appear to know everything in this world, indeed, if there even is anything to know here. But we can learn from what we see, hear and experience, how to have compassion and understanding and love for our brothers despite outer differences. We can transfer that learning to listening, hearing and understanding the Holy Spirit. And perhaps then, we will find our way to a world we do know, to a world that we are not reticent to enter. That world is Heaven, where GOD IS.